November 29, 2006
From the ground up
I have duck feet. Short and wide. I knew I was also a little pigeon-toed but apparently I underestimated the extent of it. Driven by the refusal of my self-diagnosed sore ligament to heal I decided to talk to someone who knows something about feet. You know it's not good when a professional looks at your feet and says "You have very interesting feet". I've worked in enough professions to know that 'interesting' is a don't-upset-the-client-euphenism for deformed/stuffed/rooted/dead/can-I-write-a-paper-about-this?.
"Interesting website" means its horrible. "Interesting Brand" means no one knows it. "Interesting application" means it doesn't work. "Interesting project" means it will never get off the ground. "Interesting concept" means it sucks.
In my case "interesting feet" means they have 15 degrees less movement than normal feet and my pigeon toedness is pronounced, not "a little". This explains a lot of things. Why I've never been able to jog, no matter how fit I was, without getting agonizing shin splints. Why I catch my toes constantly on things and have broken nearly all of them at some stage. And, perversely, why high-heels feel more comfortable than flat shoes.
And my sore ligament? Well, it's not a sore ligament at all but two inflamed meta-thingies. Two of those long bones in your feet are badly inflamed at the front. The only cure is rest. I laughed so hard I almost fell of the couch.
For someone who managed to avoid going to the doctor for almost forty years this year is turning into a landmark year for physical degeneration. Seven fillings and NOW, orthotics! Could I get any older?
DON'T answer that.
Posted by Faith